Stop endless emails online dating
This is the reality of 99.999% of people who use OKCupid or Match or Plenty Of Fish or Geek2Geek or Fetlife or Christian Singles or JDate…
really, dating site (with some notable exceptions).
By spending so much time trading emails back and forth, you’re bleeding emotional momentum.
That initial rush of interest goes away quickly if you wait too long to actually make your move; they’ll almost always start to assume you’re not . If you’ve been exchanging emails back and forth, then they’re interested in talking to you; take “yes” for an answer and say “You know, I think getting to know someone over drinks is better than just emailing back and forth, don’t you? It’s fairly simple: the magic number is typically when you’ve exchanged 3 or 4 emails. Much like talking in person, if they’re writing long emails or asking lots of questions, they’re definitely into you; short, terse responses mean that they’re not quite feeling it.
Needless to say, it was kind of an insult even back then; nothing screams romance more than “I’m interested in you but not enough to actually to join the site.” Fortunately most sites seem to have wised up and charge a subscription fee instead, but the vestigal organ that is the “wink” hangs in there like an appendix and does nothing but cause trouble.
Here’s the thing: everybody knows exactly what it means when a guy sends one of these.
Almost every online dating site out there has some form of a low-stakes “hey, so and so wants you to talk to them” notification – often given a cutsey name like “wink” or “flirt” or “send a flower” to make it seem more acceptable. Most dating sites let you set up a profile for free but require that you pay money in order to be able to message people.
Some, back in the early days of online dating (lo those dark days of the late 90s and early 00s), were evil and would sell a limited number of messages; if you sent out a message and didn’t hear back, well, tough shit Charlie, you just blew a buck (or whatever the per-unit cost was). were intended as a way of trying to get someone to message so that you could chat without wasting your hard-earned money.
Sometimes that anger and resentment spills out into your messages to other people – I’ve lost track of the number of “You won’t talk to me, you must be some BITCH!!! ” messages that my female friends have shared with me.Sometimes it’s something fixable – your profile isn’t exciting, your spelling is off…– and sometimes it’s something that you can’t control like reminding them of an ex-boyfriend or using a phrase they hate with the passion of a thousand suns. Put your focus where it should be: on the people who interested in you.She’s still interested but needs a little more time to be comfortable. Cool, you don’t need to waste any more time with her; move on and find someone who interested in them, odds are that somebody else is too…and your online honey-bunny is talking to them, too.
I’m a big believer in efficiency when it comes to dating. Y’see, online dating can seem for folks, especially people who have a touch of approach anxiety or hate the bar and club scene but don’t necessarily want to try hitting up strangers at Barnes and Noble.